I am ranting here because I can’t do it on facebook, we have too many people in common and he will find out. My brother is a huge fuck up and a horses ass. His wife for the last 5 years has worked her ass off and done as much overtime as she can because he wont get a job. He tells people that he has social anxiety disorder and thats why he cant get a job. The truth is he won’t get a job because they might drug test him and he refuses to stop smoking and drinking and doing drugs. He is 38 years old and hasn’t had a real job in over 4 years. The social anxiety disorder is an excuse and a flat out lie, He thrives is large groups of people he doesn’t know, he follows a local metal band around and “helps” them out. He and his wife live in my dad’s other house and haven’t paid rent on over 4 years because they cant afford rent and pay their other bill and his drug habit. He owes my dad more money then he will ever admit to and will never pay back. His newest thing is he thinks he is a photographer. I have been taking pictures for over 20 years, it took me 2 years to save up the money for the camera I wanted and even then its a mid range DSLR, its very nice. My brother got his first camera less then 2 months ago and has now decided that he can be a pro and is begging people on line to let him take pictures and pay him an obscene amount of money. Here is the kicker he knows close to nothing about his camera, the SAME camera I have. It took me 2 years to save up after paying all my bills and being a responsible person. He took the money he should be paying my father and bought a camera. He truly is a bad person and he has so many people snowed and think he is this wonderful person and devoted to his parents. He is the biggest Sociopath I have ever seen and I am really tired of waiting on Karma to kick his ass. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Things have been going to well lately. We got our motorcycle, got a newer car and are in the process of selling the old car, something is going to happen to fuck it all up. Now we just have to wait and see what it is.
This was suppose to be our dream house and where we retired. This house/land was owned first by my wifes grandparents there was a total of about 10 acres and they sold part of it off and were left with 5. The house got put in my mother in laws name about 10 years before her mothers death, and when my MIL was going thru a divorce she put it in my wifes name to make sure her husband couldn’t touch it and because it would be K’s anyway. My wife actually had her cousin D’s name added to the deed because they were a tight family and they were the 2 granddaughters and she thought it just seemed right. Hindsight being 20/20 that was a HUGE fucking mistake. K had been close to her cousins when they were all younger, she is 8 years older than D and would babysit her and her brothers growing up, their mother was killed in an car accident when they were all young so she was there a lot.
Fast forward many years to when her grandma was sick and needed help, D was getting a divorce after living in Florida and needed a place to live so she came back to Ohio to help “take care” of her grandma. In reality she didn’t really help at all she went to work and stayed holed up in her room. Now her ‘room’ was a storage shed out back because the house is only an 1 bed 1 bath so they built this storage shed that was about 12′ X 16′ and insulated with windows and electricity. Even tho she was a perfectly healthy 30 year old woman she didn’t really help at all. K’s mom paid for a cleaning lady to come once a week and we are talking a 1 bed, 1 bath 800 sqft. When grandma died D moved into the house and that is about when the house changed over to K and D.
K and D had become real close and K was moving back to Ohio from North Carolina after getting out of a 13 year relationship. When she would come back to Ohio they would hang out and go places and visit “momma S and pop” who had been family friends forever. “Momma S” and K’s mom had been friends since they were kids and were in and out of each others lives. Everything was hunky dorey until …….K met me.
K had always thought that her family (meaning “momma S & pop and D) was accepting of her being a lesbian but it turns out they were only accepting as long was it wasn’t in their face. D hated me from the get go for no other reason then I took K away from her. It seriously was like I took her boyfriend or something she was acting like a pouty little brat and it made going to the house nerve wracking and stressful for me and in the end K. D always had the house all closed up, lights off, curtains drawn and FILTHY. Dishes would pile up for days and we would have to do dishes in order to cook or eat.
When the time came for our wedding we decided to get married at the house and K told D that she could come if she could behave and not walk around like someone kicked her dog. She elected not to come. We all went up the day before to get things ready because we knew the house looked bad and there was no way D would clean anything, now the we included me, K, K’s mom S, and K & S’s friend B. B actually had a thing for K for many years and may still have one. They had a drunken night of sex years and years ago that B remembers and K doesn’t. Momma S & Pop came down to help also but it was more Pop then Momma S that helped, Momma S just got in the way.
The house was a major fucking disaster and it took all day and most of our wedding day to make it clean enough for other people to come in, the wedding was beautiful and everyone got along great and there were no major fights. (Momma S left early to make sure she wouldn’t get knocked on her ass by another guest, which she would have rightly deserved but we wont go into that.) We had no idea where D was and that was fine.
The shit hit the fan in the next week. We found out that D was hiding out at Momma S’s and Pops the weekend of the wedding and they lied about it. Facebook can be a blessing and a curse for people who don’t know much about it and Momma S was one of them. Someone posted on her wall asking her about the wedding and she responded thinking that only the writer would see it. Basically she said the “wedding” was a joke that all we did was blame D and that I was an ungrateful, evil, controlling bitch who took their family away from them. There was alot of e-mail fighting between K, S, and Momma S and then I had enough and had to get into it and so did B. K is home 1 weekend out of 3 and it’s usually for only a day and a half and Momma S was mad because I was keeping K from coming to visit her whenever she came into town, now she lives 3 hours away from us. She and D got thick as thieves and the shit hit the fan and the only way it stopped was blocking Momma S from all e-mail access and FB access ( altho we forgot to block her from my son’s page was she was FB stalking for awhile til we found out and put a stop to it.)
D stopped returning K’s calls about the house, she went by one day and the locks were changed and it took a threat to show up with the sheriff before she would return the call and get K keys. After 2 years of this drama K made the decision to give up the house because it is no longer a nice and peaceful and safe pace to be so when she was home on vacation 6 weeks ago she went up there and knocked on the door because D wouldn’t answer the phone and she forgot her keys. She told her that she had 2 choices, buy her out or they are putting the house on the market by the end of the year. D chose the first one and I am hoping to get this done ASAP. I love the house, more the land it’s sitting on. There are 5 acres with a creek running thru it and it is just so beautiful and WAS so peaceful and serene. It has taken me a week to write this and I am done with it so I am ending it here because you get the point. On to better posts.
Man has it really been that long since I have written anything? Well in the last 7 months we have gotten a motorcycle, Kim got a new truck, and she made the decision to give up her house up north. She shares ownership with her cousin and due to a lot of family drama that I will go into later it’s not the same and the “safe and loving” feeling is no longer there. The motorcycle is a 1994 Suzuki Intruder 800 I have always wanted a motorcycle and wanted to ride and Kim loves to ride and hasn’t had a bike in years so she is going to teach me to ride. After being with her company for 6 years she finally go a new truck and by new I mean NEW 2012 Freightliner Cascadia with 33,000 miles, it’s red and purrrty. 33,000 miles is nothing, it’s 11 trips, her old truck had 1.2 million miles. I had someone friend request my on facebook that I used to go to school with, I thought we were friends then until I found out her and my boyfriend at the time were seeing each other behind my back. I am gonna get ready for bed but I will be back I have had a lot of things on my mind and all so til next time…
Well my father-in-law died the next day at 3pm. My wife and I were with him. He waited for her to come home, he didn’t want to be on life support but stayed on it til she could get home. It was an interesting few days after that, very busy and a lot of family. My wife is the end of the line on her dads side, she is the only child of an only child of only children. He died of the same thing my mother died, exact same thing, a year and a half later.
I was woken up at 5am by a call from my sister-in-law telling me she couldn’t get ahold of my wife to let her know that her dad was in the ICU on a vent. Five hours into the new year and it’s not looking to good already. I would love to know when we are going to catch a break.
I had the last week off work so I caught up on some shows and started another quilt. I decided I hadn’t seen The L Word in a long time so I started at season one and went thru to the finale. I forgot about the details around Dana dying and when Alice walks up to her room just after she dies and breaks down sobbing I had a strange reaction, I know there is a word for it but I can’t come up with it right now sensory maybe.
My mom was in the hospital for 2 weeks before she died. She spent 1 week in stepdown ICU then the next week in ICU on life support. My point to this is that I refuse to cry in front of people, I am very protective over my feelings and emotions. While everyone else was crying and hugging and all I sat in a chair and read or played on my phone. I am sure a lot of people thought I was rude or uncaring but it’s how I deal. I even heard people talking about when was I gonna breakdown and cry. On the Friday before she died(she died on Sunday late morning) she was getting much, much worse. I hadn’t seen my wife since before my mom got put on life support (she is a long haul trucker if I haven’t mentioned it before) and I was beyond stressed and needed her. Now she was on her way home after telling her boss what was happening but because of traffic she was running late. I was sitting on pins and needles waiting for her to call me so I could go get her.
When she did call a close family friend decided I was not able to drive and she was going to go get her. Where my wife parks her truck is less then 5 minutes from the hospital but by now it was rush hour and the traffic is a royal bitch around there because the freeway is close and the hospital is next to two major roads meeting. What should have taken 5 minutes at most took 15. Now you may not think that is a lot but believe me it was hours to me. I thought about leaving and trying to intercept them but I knew I’d miss them. I had gone to the main hallway of the hospital and waited there because I didn’t know which direction they would be coming from. I saw my wife walking rapidly toward me and I LOST it. Just like Alice did. She grabbed me as I was sliding down the wall sobbing. Here I was someone who never shows emotions sobbing uncontrollably and having a horrible time trying to breathe and sob at the same time, half standing half leaning on my wife to hold me up. We were passed by many people and they tried not to stare but couldn’t help it. The woman who picked her up for me passed by and patted her on the shoulder. We eventually slid the rest of the way down the wall sitting in the hallway while all these people passed and I just buried my head in her chest. I literally thought I was going to throw up, have you ever cried so hard you made yourself sick? I can’t tell you how long we sat there, just that she held me tight and waited. When we did get up her shirt was soaked from me crying. When I watched that episode today it took me right back there and I FELT it all over again.
I found my old diaries today and decided to read thru parts of them, I shouldn’t have done that. With my meds not working real well all it did was depress me. I have never been a happy go lucky person and reading thru them just made me so sad for the person I was then.