I have a man in my life which I am sure sounds strange because I am a lesbian. I have identified as lesbian for 7 years and thought this past week that maybe I was really bi-sexual, but I have come to the conclusion that my issue is not that I am sexually attracted to men but more like 1 man. I am aware that this is not going to paint me in a good light but this is what happened.
I met R when I was 21 and bar-tending at a local bowling alley. I started mid season and only worked 2 nights a week so I never actually met him til the end of the season at one of the banquets. He was tall with a larger build, blond hair and blue eyes and was married. Now I knew from bowling alley gossip that she was psycho and made his life hell, she wouldn’t get a job so he was supporting both of them and trying to bowl on the tour when he could. The night he became a father he came in and told everyone and was celebrating. He is very well known there because he is an awesome bowler and had bowled there for years, he bowled in the serious leagues and was there at least 2 nights a week. It was getting close to closing time and he asked if I wanted to go get a drink after work. To anyone else listening it sounded neutral but I picked up on the subtext. At this point this was the first I knew of his wife even being pregnant and I am sure the fact that he had been watching me a little close and and subtly flirting was a major reason.
Now lets back up a bit. I am a big girl and always have been, I was at the time 21 years old and even tho I had boyfriends I was never really pursued. Over the next few months he would come in and hang out after bowling and talk, an flirt and not being at all discreet about it when no one else was around. I am not gonna lie he was married, I knew he was married but it felt so good to have someone just wanna hang out and talk to me and give me attention. I was very single at the time and needed some fun in my life so I would go to some of his matches and hang out and have fun. I am sure everyone thought we were sleeping together but we weren’t, yet.
I had sort of started seeing a guy totally not seriously and R kinda kicked it up a notch even tho I told him it was going nowhere. It did end quickly with that guy and shortly after I broke it off with him I started dating who would become my husband. We were not serious at all at first just dating at the time and I had gotten into the habit of going out for pool and beers with R after work and hang out. He would find reasons to touch me and the chemistry was very much there and building to a fever pitch but we never gave into it until one night walking into the bar.
I was a step or two ahead of him and he said something about “showing me” and I made a comment back about liking to see him try and that is when time slowed down and I got the best kiss of my life. He grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him hard and around. With his right arm he pulled me in and he put his left hand on the back of my head and kissed me. I don’t know how long we stood there but from then on he was hands on, as long as no one we knew was around for both of our sakes.
His wife was living with his parents and the baby at that time in the southern part of the state because she couldn’t “do things on her own”. She actually lived there for about 6 months with him driving down on the weekends since he worked so much thru the week. For the next 2+ months we would meet in secret whether it was his apartment, my parents, or where I was house sitting and fuck. We were great in bed and he gave me my first orgasm that was not at my own hand. Neither one of us was looking for anything serious from the other so it gave us a kind of freedom to be our true selves and have a great open sex life. I was having a blast but it ended when I got serious with my now ex-husband.
We did hook up a couple times while I was married, I was questioning my sexuality and knew R was safe, because he was still married at the time although starting his divorce. He would keep his mouth shut and he was good in bed and I knew it would be fun. When I left my husband I contacted R thru e-mail and told him there was something I was interested in sexually and would he be willing to help me out if I ever wanted to actually try it. He told me absolutely yes any time, any place I didn’t even have to ask.
I met my now wife 5 months after leaving my husband so I never took him up on his offer although I still haven’t done what I asked him about. I had occasion to see him a few times recently and I was amazed to see there was still a strong sexual attraction for this man.
How can that be I wondered because I am a lesbian married to a woman. I have not found men sexually attractive in many many years, LONG before I left my husband. I have come to the conclusion that my body just remembers what it was like to be with him, how good I felt and how good the attention was and knowing he wanted me anytime, anywhere.
My wife loves and desires me I don’t question that and I would NEVER in a million years do anything to jeopardize our relationship but strictly from an ego point it is nice to know that someone else out there in the world desires you and if things were different they would be more than happy to hit that right.
Femme, Wife and Mom 